


moonage daydream

by yikesdann



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, merry xmas havvie ily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27901435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikesdann/pseuds/yikesdann
Summary: (short fic) aftermath of wolfstar's first kiss and a christmas present for my friend :)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 13





	1. Remus

"You sure you're okay?"

Remus looked up moodily from his parchment. James Potter had a worried look on his face, and for a second, Remus almost started crying. He was so loved here at Hogwarts, and he knew this for a fact- but he couldn't bring himself to be kind. Not today. Not after what had happened with Sirius.

"I'm fine. Just stressed. NEWTs, and all that."

James stared at him, blankly. God, was he really that bad of a liar? He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

"Our NEWTs are over a year away", James said bitterly, blatantly seeing through Remus' facade. Before he could come up with a stammering excuse, James sighed, annoyed. He ran his fingers through his hair (Remus was reminded of Sirius for a second, but batted that thought away). It was speckled with snow, and he felt a pang in his chest as he recalled the Marauder's snow fight just weeks earlier.

It was incredibly unnerving to see James Potter mad at someone. He was so understanding and compassionate, that his sudden stern personality seemed to mirror his mother's, Mrs. Potter. James always jokingly said that that was going to be Lily's future name, something that seemed to become truer every day that passed. James and Lily were the perfect couple, and although he was overwhelmingly happy for his friends, Remus couldn't help but feel a faint feeling of jealousy every time he saw them being affectionate. They were so open about their love- Remus would never get that.

"Suit yourself, Remus". James walked out of the Gryffindor common room, snapping Remus out of his overthinking spiral. Remus was left alone.

He swallowed down tears as he realized that James, one of his closest friends for the past six years, hadn't called him Moony.


	2. Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james is done with sirius and remus lol

"I really couldn't give less of a shit about what happened. You two need to sort out your little drama, because we are not ruining years of friendship just because of a hissy fit," James ranted, pointing at Sirius with the chicken wing he was holding in his hand. Both him and Peter were stuffing themselves with food, but Sirius felt queasy, and couldn't bring himself to eat. He knew that he needed to talk to Remus, but he...

Well, he didn't want to hear the truth.

He didn't want to hear Remus call him every insult imaginable, didn't want to hear him say he hated Sirius. He felt dizzy just thinking of what might happen if he confronted Remus. Whatever the outcome was, he knew for certain that it wasn't going to be good. Gone were the days where he fantasized about his life with Remus, where he wrote songs about his silly crush, where he dreamt of kissing him under the moonlight. Of course, Sirius still wanted all of that. He craved Remus; so desperately that it pained him to remember Remus' face of disgust after the kiss.

But a future with Remus was impossible. No matter if it was romantic or platonic. Remus Lupin definitely hated him.

There was a lull in James' speech, and Sirius spoke in a low voice across the table.

"Prongs. We would need a bloody miracle to get Remus to talk to me. I'm telling you, he despises me." 

His tone of defeat made Peter rub his arm sympathetically. Sirius wanted to scream: _I don't want your touch! Fuck off! I want Remus!_

But he didn't scream. Instead, he rolled his eyes as James continued to attempt a reconciliation.

"Padfoot. Mate. C'mon. I mean, how hard can it be?" James laughed, his eyes glinting with an idea. Peter nodded, always ready to agree with him.

"Yeah, Prongs is right. What could you even have done to make Remus so mad? He's the kindest person ever! I'm sure a conversation would be enough to stop this," Peter said, and Sirius closed his eyes.

 _If only you knew_ , Sirius thought _, if only you bloody knew, Wormtail. Neither of you would speak to me ever again._

He didn't think that James and Peter were homophobic, per se. They were completely fine with Marlene and Dorcas. Maybe it was a mixture of Marlene's threats ( _If any of you ever say anything that is homophobic, I will stick my wand so far up your ass that you'll be casting spells out of your mouth_ ) and their genuine happiness, but no-one in their friendship group minded their relationship. But Sirius couldn't kid himself and pretend that things would be the same if he came out to the Marauders. 

Least of all if he explained everything that had happened that day in the dormitory.

They'd all been friends for ages. Sirius knew things about James that he'd sworn would never see the light of day (a promise that would be broken the day that he had to give the best man speech at James and Lily's wedding), he had burping competitions with Peter, and he blasted Bowie records with Remus. They were best friends- they were the Marauders, for fuck's sake. Hogwarts prank legends. They were the perfect juxtaposition to his home life, where he was hated.

Sirius' perpetual singledom had been a recurring joke within the group, but every time another Marauder suggested a significant other for him, it was a girl. ( _Oi, Pads. Isn't Mary looking hot today? Maybe she'd fancy a date with the least popular Black sibling? Don't punch me! You know Reggie gets more girls than you!)_

Well, obviously. It was impossible for them to know that he was anything but straight, seeing as he barely spoke about anything that was personal. He didn't blame them. But it still annoyed him, and he had to sit through all these lighthearted jokes with a tight grin. Anyways, it was too late for Sirius to come out. He wanted to do it since he was thirteen and saw Remus show up at the Hogwarts Express with Doc Martens and a bashful grin, but he never found the perfect moment.

Additionally, it would just be bloody weird to say "Oh, by the way, I'm a flaming homosexual and have been ever since i was thirteen, and I'm in love with Remus Lupin, our best friend. This definitely won't change anything" out of the blue.

Sirius left the Great Hall mumbling a half-hearted excuse about homework, dreading the rest of the day that lay ahead of him.


	3. Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notes passed in Potions.

_moony,_

_please meet me in the astronomy tower at 8pm. need to go over homework ASAP!!!_

_thanks :) wormtail_

_-_

_padfoot,_

_astronomy tower at 8pm. need to go over homework with u!! will repay u in chocolate frogs :)_

_wormtail_

_-_

_Wormtail,_

_I'll be sure to be there. What is it you need help with? Perhaps we could go over it after this lesson._

_Moony._

_-_

_moony,_

_uhh stars and stuff..?_

_im busy after this_

_pls just come :)_

_wormtail_

_-_

_WORMTAIL MY GUY_

_OF COURSE I WILL BE THERE_

_THOSE BETTER BE SOME GOOD FUCKING CHOCOLATE FROGS_

_PADFOOT !!!!!_


	4. Remus

Remus covered himself with his Gryffindor blanket, his teeth chattering. Peter was unbelievable; going over homework in the Astronomy Tower? He knew for a fact that Remus hated heights. He checked the watch, and huffed impatiently. 8:10. Why was Peter so late? It wasn't as if he was-

Remus' train of thought was interrupted by someone barging into the room.

"Wormtail, I swear to Merlin, if you make me do an entire essay I'm genuinely going to- _oh._ "

It was Sirius, his voice faltering when he saw Remus. His heart rose to his throat. Sirius' face was illuminated by the moonlight, making him look so beautiful that it was unbearable to look at him. Remus looked away, instead fidgeting with a telescope that was next to him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, trying to maintain a steady voice. He didn't want Sirius to see him agitated.

"Uh. Wormtail told me that he wanted help- I didn't know that y- Did he- Did he also tell you that?" Sirius' words tumbled over each other, and Remus realized that he was _nervous._ Well, so was Remus, to be fair. There was a silence.

"Well. I'll just leave", Sirius sniffed and turned away.

Remus' mind went blank for a second, before he grabbed Sirius' arm. Both boys froze; it was the first time that they'd touched since the kiss. Remus breathed sharply at the jolt of electricity that coursed through his arm because of Sirius' touch. He immediately moved away and sat down on the small, beat-up couch that had been in the Astronomy Tower for years.

"Don't leave. I- please." Remus pleaded. Sirius cautiously walked towards him and sat down next to him on the sofa. Their legs were separated by mere centimetres. Remus heard him take a deep breath. 

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, his head leaning on the sofa. Remus' brain took a second to process the boy's words. He had spent days imagining how their first conversation would go, after the kiss.

He thought that Sirius would want to never see him again, or that he would shamelessly insult him. He had expected every possible negative outcome.

But an apology?

Well. That was not what he thought would happen.

"Why would you need to be sorry?" Remus turned his body to face Sirius. Sirius opened his eyes and looked into Remus'. He'd missed those eyes so much; it took everything in him not to close the space between them and kiss him. Although that had already happened.

Damn. He had promised himself that he wouldn't think too much about the kiss.

The silence in the air was broken by Sirius.


	5. The Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from both of the boy's POVs; this will make the following chapters easier to understand.

Sirius

_He'd been wanting to kiss Remus for years. Of course, for all these years it had simply been a stupid dream. Remus had had a girlfriend in the past, and he was perfectly happy with her. He was as straight as a ruler. Although he wanted to rip out Mary's hair every time he saw her kissing Remus, Sirius had to stop and rationalize that it wasn't her fault._

_It was Sirius' fault for falling in love with his best friend, the stupid git._

_When Mary and Remus broke up, Sirius genuinely wanted to throw a party. Sure, she seemed heartbroken, and Remus didn't seem too delighted about it either, but his head was just a constant flash of_ he's yours he's yours he's yours he's yours HE'S YOURS.

_But of course he bloody wasn't. And Sirius didn't throw a party. It was a year before he actually did something about his crush._

_It was the first saturday back at Hogwarts after Christmas break. James was practising quidditch, Peter was off at Honeydukes with Dorcas and Marlene, and Remus was poring over his history textbook, entranced by every word. Sirius was lying on his bed, lazily, haphazardly tossing dirty socks around the dormitory._

_"Will you stop that?" Remus had snapped, still not taking his eyes off of his book._

_Sirius mumbled an apology, and let himself look at Remus. He loved when Remus' brows furrowed when he was concentrated. Remus looked up, catching his stare._

_"Sorry," Remus grinned apologetically, "I'm just annoyed because I have an essay due soon."_

_Sirius smiled back and walked over to his bed. The bed sank as Sirius sat on it, but Remus didn't complain, instead moving his books a bit so that Sirius had space to sit comfortably._

I love you, _he thought._

_"What is the essay about?" Sirius asked, pretending to be interested in history. It was easy to pretend interest when Moony was explaining something._

_"Well, nothing that cool. Just- er. Ancient egyptians and how they used magic, that's all."_

_"Ah."_

_"Yep."_

_For some stupid reason, Sirius moved closer to Remus, leaning over to read the book. His heart raced as he got what he thought was a brilliant idea._

_He raised his head, now almost touching noses with Remus._

_"Padf-" Remus said, but he was cut off by Sirius kissing him._

_Instantly, Remus pulled away. His face was unlike anything Sirius had ever seen. It was a mixture of disgust and fury._

_"Leave." he said, shakily, and Sirius' stomach twisted._

_Oh fuck. He'd seriously messed things up now._

_-_

Remus 

_After Sirius kissed him, Remus felt so betrayed and confused that he couldn't bring himself to say anything over than "leave"._

_Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. His own words looped in his mind._

_He was so bloody stupid. His crush of three years had just kissed him, and he hadn't even kissed him back!_

He's an asshole, though. _Said a voice in Remus' head. He agreed. It was a dick move to kiss someone, specially if you're straight and know that the person you're kissing is bi._ But maybe he doesn't know, and he thinks it's a bro kiss, _the voice continued._

_How would Sirius not know? Remus thought that he'd made it pretty clear, by his constant comments about Freddie Mercury and Paul McCartney. Surely Sirius wasn't dumb enough to not notice things like that._

_As he laid his head back on his bed, defeatedly, Remus wanted to burst into tears._

_Because for a split second, he truly thought that Sirius actually liked him._

_How stupid was that?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u didnt get it,  
> sirius: thinks that remus is homophobic/hates him/doesn't want to be friends  
> remus: thinks that sirius knows that he's bi, so he took advantage of this and kissed him  
> basically they r both dumb idiots with poor communication skills.  
> back to the story :)


	6. Sirius

"Listen, Moony. I know that you hate me, so I'm just going to tell you the full truth because I can't handle keeping it inside of me. It's been too long. I kissed you because I've liked you for years. I just- I- I stupidly thought that you felt the same way, in that moment. I don't know why. It was stupid of me to do so without knowing your feelings first. I understand if you never want to speak to me again, I really do, but I thought you should know because.. well, because you deserve to know the truth," Sirius rambled, his hands shaking with anxiety.

As the words came out of his mouth, he frantically surveyed Remus' face to see what he was thinking. When he was met with no expression, Sirius inwardly cringed. He was so stupid, confessing so suddenly. What did he think would happen? His hands were shaking violently at this point. It was impossible for Remus not to notice he was nervous.

Suddenly, Remus grabbed his hand. Sirius jumped in shock at the boy's touch- he was reminded of the surge of electricity he felt when Remus grabbed his arm before. Sirius calmed down a bit. While he spoke in a low, reassuring voice, Remus' hand gently stroked Sirius', caressing his calluses caused by years of secret guitar lessons.

"Sweet Merlin, we're both so stupid. Sirius- I've liked you for ages. When you kissed me, I thought you were being a dick because you knew I was bisexual. I thought you were taking advantage of me," Remus spoke softly.

Sirius quizzically looked at the other boy, the words processing in his mind. "You're bi?", he asked, and he couldn't help but sound like it was the best news of his life. Remus laughed quietly, registering the happy tone of his voice.

"Yes. I thought it was obvious."

"Well, it clearly wasn't!" 

They both laughed some more, their hands still intertwined, neither of them planning on letting go. Sirius went quiet after a while, contemplating what Remus had said. 

_I've liked you for ages._

Remus grinned at him, and he felt his heartbeat quicken. It was silly how vulnerable he felt when he spoke to Remus. It was almost as if those deep, sparkling, hazel eyes bore a hole directly into his soul. It was so incredibly easy to be open with him. Sirius wanted Remus to know that every word that he was speaking was true.

"Moony. I had no clue. I'm so sorry that you thought that. We're both clearly idiots who have no idea how to come out," Sirius spoke, and Remus nodded slowly.

"You're bi too?," he asked, and Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"Nope. Gay. As fuc-"

"Okay, okay!" Remus grinned, and Sirius wished he could stay in this moment forever. Seeing Remus looking so happy was honestly contagious.

After a conversation where they both talked about their gay awakenings ( _Bloody hell, Sirius, was it honestly my Doc Martens that made you gay? / it's not my fault you looked so good!_ ), there was a comfortable silence. Remus had a soft smile on his face, that was lit by the bright and ethereal light of the moon.


	7. Remus

Sirius seemed to be entranced by something on Remus' face. His pupils were dilated, and Remus thought about how bloody great it was to be in love with someone this beautiful.

"What?", Remus whispered, wondering what was so interesting to Sirius. He truly was the definition of bland: brown hair, brown eyes, pale. The only remarkable thing about his face was his scar, and Sirius had seen that plenty of times before.

"Just- you. The moon. What you just said about liking me back... Everything is perfect. You're perfect, Moony." Sirius whispered back, and Remus basked in the feeling of hearing those words, and believing them. 

Instead of replying, Remus edged closer to Sirius, until they were millimeters apart. They breathed in sync. Remus took in all of Sirius. His messy, unruly dark hair, his smooth face (already showing signs of smile wrinkles around the eyes and mouth), his deep eyes, that were reflecting Remus. His mouth, with its single dimple, twisted into a slight smile. Slowly, Remus tucked a loose strand of Sirius' hair behind his ear, and held his hand there. He softly stroked his hair.

"Merlin, Moony, how much longer is this going to take?!" Sirius said in a faux-exasperated tone, and Remus threw his head back laughing, before he sunk into Sirius' lips.

They'd kissed before, of course, but last time wasn't like this. Last time, they both thought the kiss had meant something different. But this time... well, this time they were both crystal clear on what the kiss meant. The kiss said: _I love you, I'm sorry for being an idiot, you're so dumb, I love it, I'm obsessed with everything about you, please share every inch of your soul with me._

Teeth were clashing and their tongues were messily trying to find somewhere to go, but they didn't care. Sirius grasped Remus' hair, his other hand cupping his face as if it were the most precious thing in the world.

As soon as both their bodies moved horizontally, taking advantage of the couch's many cushions, the mix of their mouths and their thoughts made them too busy to notice James and Peter walking in.


	8. Sirius

"Well, fucking finally."

The boys broke apart, breathing heavily. James was at the door of the room, Peter following closely behind him. His cheeks were flushed, but James was still grinning wildly.

"Took you long enough, huh? Wormtail and I were tired of seeing you two shamelessly flirt for years," James cackled, Peter nodding. Remus and Sirius tried to protest, but James shushed them. He clearly didn't want to be interrupted.

"You guys are so bloody annoying. Seriously! What, d'you think we'd be homophobic or something? We were rooting for you idiots to get together!" James exclaimed, and Sirius grinned.

"Well. Prongs, Wormtail, I'm gay", he said, and James ran over to hug him. He relaxed. Of course James wouldn't care! How had he ever thought that this best friend would be anything other than supportive?

"I love you, d'you know that?" James said, and Remus cleared his throat, eyebrows raised pointedly. James laughed.

"Oh, piss off, Moony. Not in _that_ way," James punched him lightly on the shoulder, and Remus grinned knowingly. 

It was truly an incredible sight to see Remus Lupin happy. It made his heart warm.

"And I'm bi," he said, causing James and Peter to grin at Remus. It was almost scary how in sync the Marauders were sometimes. They all spent too much time together.

"Well, mate, we weren't expecting you to be straight after that little performance," Peter wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, referring to the make-out session they'd walked in on. Remus groaned, embarrassed, hiding his face in his hands, and Sirius laughed gleefully, saying "You guys should've had to pay to see that."

They all laughed at this, the atmosphere in the air so genuinely happy that Sirius momentarily forgot about anything bad in his life. For the moment, he was in a room with his two best friends and his soon-to-be boyfriend. There was truly nothing that could ever feel this amazing.

Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well guys that was it! i did say that it was gonna be short lol. hope u enjoy, thanks for the kudos i have so far! u guys are so bloody sweet :")


End file.
